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What a sleepless night again. I'm now lying on my bed, rolling for an hour. Sweat covering my body, thoughts are floating in my mind. Recalled what had happenned to me the past few days, i had nightmares, 3 nights straight, i remember. i got shocked and scared in the dream, when i woke up i felt my heartbeat is getting weaker day by day. Remember that friday night i took the pill after i consulted doctor, thought will be sleeping well in the night, end up things turned upside down. The dreams were all night long, my head is going to explode. I got that feeling again, like i have been not sleeping for 2 days. I was so damn physically and mentally tired, and thanks god my heart is still beating. i was like dizzy all the day, heavy head and nausea. I slept again after i showered, until i was suddenly awake by another dream again, realised the time is almost 5pm. I forced myself to wake up, felt my face was numb. I decided to go for a jog, i need to sweat, but somehow the haze attacked again so i change my plan and i gone for cycling. Cycling is way more terrible than jogging, i felt so. Cycling did not make me sweat, at that moment strong wind hitting made me even harder to cycle. Well all these did not change my mood , still down and my face is still numb. After all I had a little chit chat with my aunty and made me felt a little better. The conversation i never planned to tell. I getting tired of myself and complaining myself to other but somehow i spoke to her. Went out in the midnight and kept on playing with my phone, until i got back home, grabbed a drink and played tetris, the moment i slept was 4 in the morning. Today i manage to wake up before the nightmare again. Weird dreams. Played badminton and finally i manage to spill my unhappiness through the shuttlecock. I found myself at the place i used to be, the happiest me. Well more to mention about is i got another surprise from my foundation friends for my birthday. The awkward moment was the time i just came out from the bathroom and i looked in mess. Although they are younger than me and some of them are not mature enough, i still like to be together with them because of their sillyness and being naive. It is bad to say that but it is true. I felt better today and got myself a little motivated. Just realised my academic in a mess, again. I will now pay my attention on my studies, still got alot to catch up. About that relationship, i dont want to talk much thou, just let it be. Study is more importance to me right now.
p/s: thanks all my friends who wished me for my birthday. Sadly i've forgotten to take the picture of presents.

I hate myself being emotional which i hardly controlled that and always escaped from the reality and truth. hello??? You're no longer a science student that you always failed to be. I hate myself being looked down by others. I hate myself that i always could not make it better. Why i'm forcing myself doing things that i dont like that i dont have to do so. I just wanted to go in front of my mom and tell her i wanted to quit. This is suffering. I couldnt make it as i got no balls to tell her. @.@ chicken.

- Just a random post in a sleepless night, nothing much.