40

Finally, I had done dealing with my test 1. I was kinda stress out this time as I realized, I must be more hard working and determine, since I have decided to continue in science stream. I always heard that seniors, and lecturers, said that foundation is harder. Many subjects to study and it's not all of that will be relate to your future degree course. This is the last semester for me and I wish to end it quickly and get into the subjects that I like. Previously I was so lazy, don't really study for the test 1, always had the mind set like, as long as I'm know what I'm doing, I know what I'm studying, and I understand it. Somehow, until the moment I got my math paper, this strike my nerve off, my friend got full marks for that. I was shocked, and I started to compare myself to others again, brain storming about how can I do better than them. Why they can do it, why not me? If they can do it, I can do it as well. And well, this thought put me into high pressure cooker. I keep pushing myself to study, which this is not my way of study. Maybe I should have been studying in this way. Well, just ended the hell physics paper. No rest taken, continue go on with assignments and reports. I believe, as I push myself a little more, I can do much better. I want to get full marks in the next paper!

39

I hate the feeling when I got to send off the one I love. I always hated to send someone off, that will turn me down. The feeling that couldn't describe. Sad? It's even more than that. Some kind like heart broken. I don't want to see and I choose to leave earlier, make sure that my tears will not drop at that time. Trying hard to hold it back. I will not cry because of this, I don't like myself seems weak. Spent a little time, met up with friends, chit chat for a while. Still the rest that I haven't meet, hope we will meet very soon, I miss you. ='(

38

Chinese new year is approaching. Got no idea why I always getting frustrated at this time, during Chinese new year period. It's like, my family doesn't like Chinese new year, I got no place to go. Traffic jam everywhere, who else houses I can visit? I don't really like to visit to others house. When I got home, every part of house is really dirty and I can't help to clean up the messes, as what do the old Chinese believed in we will sweep away our properties if we sweep the floor on the first day of CNY. THIS IS HORRIBLE! I can't think of what else good during CNY except getting red packets from the others. I seriously prefer go out station or travel, rather meeting up those eldest. I want go travel, so badly. Well with the help of the hot weather, I'm am heated up even more quickly during CNY. With those stupid wasting time matters and the weather, that's why I hate CNY the most. These few days, lot of stuffs to think off, and I got drunk last night. Good to get drunk or not? Got no idea. When I woke up in the next morning, always got the feeling like "what the fuck?" LOL. I drink too much last night, every part of my body swollen, especially my mouth, joint? Perhaps. So damn hurt that even I can't talk much. Who cares? Just for a night, at least I was so damn high for a night. I think I do speak non sense. Haha.
Well, I was thinking about you and right after that, you messaged me. I'm really so glad that you've finally appeared. Isn't better if we maintain our relationship in this way, rather than being stranger. Seriously, the 2 weeks that without any message from you were the most suffer days I've gone through.