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HAPPY NEW YEAR. HAPPY 2013, 新年快乐

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好说，考试完了，心情依旧停留在考试期。没有开心，没有伤心，只是多了无奈。伤心帮不了多少，伤心成绩不会变好。就在这个星期，很多不同的心情，过着同样的每一天，感觉上发生了很多事，事实上并没有什么事，干嘛要给自己找麻烦？今天，就剩我一个人在家，housemate 一个都没有，很秃废的一天。看戏吃饭，有看戏，看得很闷。想做的事很多，但偏偏这个时候很不舒服，明天能不能驾车？:'(

薇和 Joyce 搬家了，很突然的决定。以后就只有我和斐了，我想我应该会很懒惰去找朋友。昨天晚上，帮她们搬家，弄了很迟才回家。有时候，太突然的决定，会扰乱了思想。我还是相信，不是运气好或坏，而是个人的处事态度。

话说回来，我真的是会花钱，还是乱花钱？RM500, 一个月，能生存吗？一个月叻，车油费都要两百了，加上房租，都要三百七了，剩下的，只有一百三，三十天伙食费，一天平均才四块，没剩了。还有还有，日常生活用平叻？？？？给自己一个月，也是过得很节俭，吃的，都是三思后的决定。这样的话，我下个月还可不可以学吉他？ 

我很不舒服，怎么办？？？我明天要回家。

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这个晚上，很害怕，很害怕，怕得要哭了。为什么变成这样？

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与其常常抱着希望，与其常常幻想，与其常常的思念，却换来一次一次的不爽，一次一次的心痛，倒不如放下一切，不附期望的，逃走。
就这样，一天的好心情被毁，书也读不进。有时候，我真的希望我恨你多过我爱你。

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Yea, that's the things we do always left it out.
"When measure your growth, make sure to only measure your today self by your past self. If you compare your relationships, your success, or your anything against anyone else, you are not being fair to you. Everyone has a different path, a different pace, and different challenges to face along the way."
So what's the point of comparing yourself to another, what does the happiness bring after you had the unfair comparison? This has been a trend of society. When I used to be a child, parents (even other parents) started to compare me to the rest of the children, child that working at the coffee shop, child being obedient, child being clever, child being pretty, child being neat. I wonder if the rest of their parents compare their children and me? What a sad story, and memories. If I have the chance to choose to delete those unhappy and unwanted memories, these memories would be the first. Parents need to know children minds. Their brains and attitudes and characters are not well develop, yet. That the golden time to educate the right and healthy mind concept, instead of comparison. Anyway, it was past. New generation ahead, 90's early adulthood, time to become parents. I wonder how the 90's educate their children. Now is a totally different world, games are no longer paper scissors stone, no longer hoop jumping, pepsi cola, all about smart phones, computers, technology gadgets. Curiosity of mine, starting to observe. How's the world turns on again? More genius or moron? Human growth, fatter and shorter.
Anyway, the so called "doom day" has passed. Nothing happened and nothing different. I am still alive. So get something better, do something better, to create a better tomorrow. =)

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逼自己早醒的后果，就是心情很很很不好。今天的脾气就是很暴躁，很想骂人咯，没人给我骂，骂自己。话说，我很想吃麦当劳，就说了，如果把书给读完，就宠一宠自己。结果，三思后，买了便菜，自己煮饭。两餐才三块钱，算起来，一餐的麦当劳等于八餐的午晚餐。别小看我这个饭桶，本来想，应该是煮不完的米，结果，只剩下一天的饭的份量。不错了咯，越来越肥咯。
看见自己的改变了。以前的我，想吃的话，二话不说买了吃了再算。现在，有钱吃得起，却三思了又三思。这样会很烦。到底是好还是不好？以不像以往的潇洒。
今天没麦当劳吃，书还是照样读。
最近都在听华文歌曲，很讨厌，因为一直听到钢琴声。不一样的文化，不一样的乐曲，不一样的乐器。英文歌曲偏向吉他，有轻快感；华文歌曲偏向钢琴，多数是情歌。
钢琴，真的是我一生中的遗憾。
朋友在卖 ukulele, 要不要买叻???

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好孤独，好寂寞。='(
睡迟了，一点醒，不够睡，好累。
醒了，弄热包，早午餐。
吃了，在桌前，听歌，很吵，关了。太静，无聊，开歌，听歌，关掉，开书，翻书，读书，玩电话，自知自明，收电话，电话响，听电话，玩电话，收电话。读书，不专心，翻书，读不进。
心很烦！
十二月十六日       晚上        阴 晴

上篇是一则日记，二三四字经，刘彦颐 笔。

你在哪里？嬉皮笑脸的你，怎么不见了？你又做梦了，睡得好吗？你多久没好好睡觉了？乐观的你呢？又不在了。蹦蹦跳跳好动的你，在哪里？又不在了。你死到哪里去了？？？？！！！

很烦啦！！！炒饭炒到焦，心在焦，头在绞。眼泪藏到身体哪个角落，快点出来就没事了。

为什么那么失败？

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好不容易，把对你的感觉给收拾好，却被你的一行字，又把它启动。我又想多了。

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Done my drama and assignment, I was like, FINALLY. It's so hard to get through this week, the week before the drama. I was acting as a lesbian and got isolated by my friends. Acted like a clown, joker, anything that funny but ruined my reputation. I DON'T LIKE IT. Those days were miserable days. It's not that we doing last minute job, well prepare as first, when comes to the last rehearsal, problems appeared. Thanks to my friend to presented earlier and taught us what to do. The last day rehearsal, scripts are changed. I am worried. When comes to the real one, we did made mistakes. However, maybe you realized I  am not happy, and yes I admit that I unhappy with the comments given. Those comment shouldn't be given if we did correct our mistakes as we had knew it early from the beginning. So now it has been a past. Maybe I am the perfectionist and I had higher expectation than that, nothing wrong with my friends because they did tried hard to correct their mistakes, so I did. At least, we handled it, we managed to hang on till the end. At least, the scripts are not the scripts anymore, we able to answer each other questions. However, no matter what happen and I don't care, as long as IT'S OVER. Although the character is similar as me, but the story still different, somehow, it reminds me about something and someone. So the end of the drama. No more assignments or presentations, it's all about exam now.
Tuesday, I was down for reasons, main one was about the drama. My mom text-ed me, asked whether I'm home. I had been skipping school for 2 days. Would be 4 days included today. I was so surprised when they said they wanted to come find me, can't deny that they miss me, so am I. Whatever things, I pushed aside, I made earlier appointment with friends, just to see my parents. My mom grown a little bit fatter, my dad gone skinny, both of them looks older days after days. Somehow that day was my happiest day in Kampar. I love you mom and dad.
Yesterday was 12.12.12. Everyone is talking about that on FB and even my friends messaged me. I was so not-living-creature that I have no idea when and what date is. Is time to wake up. It was the last same numbers in a series of date, the next one would be 100 years later. So is that the earth still around in another century? Or it will turn in dust? I'll be living on the other planets perhaps, another human another life.
The past few days or weeks perhaps, had been sleepless night. I slept early in the morning and woke up in the morning, too. Next week would be a lonely week in Kampar, but no worries I can survive.
I think I had lost something, something that will cheer me up.  =(

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是不是每个人，在找回自我之前，都会迷失？但我，已迷失多久？夜已深，独有我电脑亮着灯。书桌，有计算机，电话，钢笔，今晚多了一罐酒。电脑前，坐着的，一个躯壳，还有迷失的灵魂。原来，一罐酒，已经灌不醉自己了，只留下炙热的身躯。听着一首又一首的情歌，不听了，身旁的朋友睡了。望出窗口，犹如井底之蛙，只见一片黑暗，亮灯的房间渐渐变少。是该睡觉的时候了。我迷失了，有谁帮帮忙？告诉我是谁？
哦，今晚的酒，是甜的。

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曾几何时，也许，是不过我自觉，在我需要你的时候，你已不在。是我想多了，还是，大家都变了。也许，时间，真的改变了一切。你我都变了。我说，我要看见以前的你，而你却说，快点把以前的你给找回来。以前以前，多久以前，什么时候的我们，都是大家想要的？以前的，回不来，只能盼望现在，想象未来。我，还有多久，可以活着？我难过了，伤心了，你在吗？

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剪，不剪。头发，竟然给我带来这么多烦恼，顾虑。要是以前的我，二话不说，一头短发亮相。考虑了一个星期，仍然犹豫不决。人生嘛，痛痛快快过了就算了，还在犹豫什么？不懂。再过两个星期，大考来啦。没什么，就给自己加油吧。
这里的生活，除了上课，吃，看戏，睡觉。我给自己加分，我有打球。只是，还是一样的，很懒。我想说，要过得充实一点，但是，好像还是很秃废。我只是想大大声地喊：“我很累。” 我真的累了，睡觉，每晚都做梦，没完没了。睡觉当儿，头脑依旧醒着。成绩，已经输人一大截，睡觉也输了，什么都输人。告诉我，你还有什么可以输？有时候，输赢都我很重要。我会在意，除非我不想要做，除非我输得心服口服。换句话，我有什么可以让我骄傲的？嗯，不会睡觉的头脑。