The end of year 2011

Everything has came to the end, 10 more hours to go, new year is coming. I wonder why, I can't even passed the last 2 days of 2011 happily. Seriously I hope so, but my small little heart has been hurt again. Early in the morning, mom started to scold and nag until I am awake, and listened to the stupid non sense which is not real facts. I don't know why I take it seriously, it's not the true fact. Just one thing that I did wrongly and everything started to blame on me. I was half awake, listening to those craps, I knew I couldn't stand it, I forced myself to get into sleep, but I can't. The words are like knives and scissors, cutting and picking out my veins, heart started to bleed. The damn true fact is, they never admit their mistakes, and never apologies. Sometimes they knew that they were wrong, they trying to do something to put it back, but just they will never say sorry, and I never heard that before. Sorry, the largest and hardest word to say, so am I. I thought I might have better mood after i quit the job, in fact I'm not but turned out getting worst. Yesterday, saw the picture that I not suppose to see, think twice again the decisions I've made, I beg I won't regret later. And yet, someone did appeared in my dreams, every dreams, I really miss her so much. I never approach her again, still I can't over it, just keep it as memories. Dude, thanks for listening, I appreciate that. I wish I can skip these 2 days, I was like living in hell, I am very sad. Mum and dad, you know, sometimes what I think, you don't know, the trauma I did had before over there. I felt being left out sometimes. Whenever you scolded, not to help mum, the memories are like pictures, flashing back in my mind, and made my day misery, you know? This is a thing I can't tell, the biggest secret of mine. I felt like leaving from here, I have no places belong to, I wish I can own a room, a house. This is my future, and I gonna to achieve that. Staying away from the days, nagging and scolding, by the false truths, I eager to have my house, leaving you all. It is not my fault, every time, you don't care how people feels, what you wanted is to find something to release your tensions, me and brother became your target, the listener and the victims. When you found you've hurt me either he, you are late. I don't feel like talking to you today, so I shall keep myself shut. Shut my mouth, or my brain, whatever. You did messed up the things, but you put the blames on me. Fine, I will just move my stuffs out from your place, and see who is the one messing up the things. Wonder girls can cry, but I can't. Whenever I started to cry, I'll get migraine. And great, now I had it. STUPID! So this is my 2011 ending. I HATE IT! 

Wrong attitudes

Before saying others, I shall point out mine first! Well, very sorry that I don't keep my promise. That I promised I will work until the end of the January, but I just can't make it. My attitude problem. I don't like the people over there, I don't like the working atmosphere over there, it's like sincerely, you guys are sucks man!!! What kind of attitudes you guys having?? All the works are like shit! If i were the boss, I will fire you all, for sure! When the customers are looking and searching for the staffs, they are just talking and joking around. I can't work in this kind of environment, it will ruin my working attitude as well. My major problem, and I felt so sorry upon the manager, I didn't keep my promise. I claimed myself, I did my best when I'm working, but I don't know what they thought about. I think my reputations were ruined since today, I wished I never step into there again. Hoping that they will provide better services after all. It's non of my business. If I was the customer, I will just walk away from that shop without consideration. Back to my attitude, I really got to change it, never ever pamper yourself anymore. You are no longer a student, you are a worker. In school you might be everything but now you are nothing. Everything start from zero. I really really gotta learn that. Another good news, I got a job as a project assistant! Thanks god! And finally I got a job that I've even wanted and begging for. High salary and office hours, I'm satisfied. But I am not going to attend the aquatic course. Rather wasted the 300 bucks instead of losing a great opportunity. I felt sorry to Faye and John. I promised to be their driver. And Faye must be very angry about that. Just sorry. I just felt so guilty. Gosh! How many times I gotta have the feelings in a week? But some how I still wish that I am able to attend the course, it is still my dream, wearing the lab coat and doing experiment in the lab. Sigh. I always can't plan things properly. When they come together, just gotta grab one, cannot be greedy. Just pick one that I felt it is the most important, and never regret for it. I hope I can learn a lot of things from that job, and I looking forward to it. It is like so exciting, I can't wait for it. Oh another thing, neighbor's house is undergoing renovation, I can't stand the noise. Since 8.00am in the morning, it is living in hell, feeling like my house is going to collapse. I felt the floor is shaking, like earthquake. Thinking of places to go, where can I be? Felt like homeless now. I just wish that I can sit in Borders, with a book and a cup of coffee, relaxing. =)

My days after STPM

I am doing great job now. After STPM, I started my journey of life. By having the good beginning, I must have the right attitude. I started online business. Imma selling CNY cookies right now. Click for more information, and also find June's hut on blogspot. Haha. Please support me. This is my first business, I might bring it up soon, becoming a big company. Lol. At the same time, I am now working at Queensbay Mall. Kinda boring job. Stand there and do nothing. Zzz. Anyway, I learnt quite a lot of things, today was just my first day. Well, I will be very busy recently. Some how, I still have to read some books, I found I got no time. Once I got the time, I might playing games. Recent addict, the tetras battle on Facebook. It just drive me crazy. I played until i got my fingers cramped. LMAO! Hope everything getting well, and thanks for those friends who bought the cookies from me, thanks for your support. xoxo.

Big spender

Yeah, I'm back to english. Can't type fast in chinese. Well, it's already 1.35am. Finally I bought court shoes! And yea, it's asics. I jumped out from my box, no longer choosing Nike. Anyhow, my first choice was still Nike, but it's hard to find Nike court shoes anymore. The patterns are sucks! The colors are awful! Wuak. Then I chooses asics. It is a nice brand tho. Is it a nice shoe? I gotta try it and test it tomorrow. Hehe. Well, it costs me RM199. No less. The first saving i spent after I saved it for months. Paid by debit card. And there goes "sssppp", money gone, within a second. Fast right? I saved money for months but I spent it within 5 minutes. No matter how, utilizes the uses of it, and it will be worthy. Ones the thing belongs to me, I keep it and protect it as long as I can, until it seriously spoil. Just bought a new sport shoes, I realized my running shoes is about to spoil, too! I think I should try other brands instead of Nike only. Next running shoes I gonna buy from Sketchers. A brand new brand. The price is much more expensive than Nike, but the features are totally different. Not only for running, but for tone up and shape up. The shape of the bottom of the shoe is curved, likely a boat. It's specially designed to shape up our body, and t support our body. Foot are the most important part of the body. A slightly different or injuries, will affect your body especially your back bones. Opps. Seems like I'm promoting the shoes. I shall stop the topic here. I talked too much, too much to share. And then, err hmm, here comes my planning again. Tones of plans. Here I found a part time course of design: residential design. It's a part time course, starting from January, every monday to thursday, 7.30pm-9.30pm, 3 months time. The fees of the course would be RM2300. I wonder should I try?? The closing date for intake is 31th of December. Means I gotta decide soon. I have another biotech course, starting from 4th- 10th January. I'm kinda busy after all. I'm just thinking of should I continue science stream or I just switch to design. But anyhow my greatest interest is science. Hmmm. RM2300.... Not a big amount tho... Considering... Any ideas??? 

完毕

终于考试结束，也可说是我结束了高中生涯。就要步进大学了。Pa 我真的没读到。太棒了！！成绩出炉就好看了。管他及格或不及格。就这样的结束了。心里莫名的开心。也许我知道，我推测，我进不了大学。无所谓，我有办法，继续我的学业。有知识并不代表能面对考试啊。我讨厌考试。虽然说是测验你的学习能力，我是不合格的，但我有我的道理，我明白我读过的东西，就好了，但事实并非如此。算了。我不想进本地大学。说不定，不及格了，好让我更容易交代。我不介意重考，我只要弄清楚自己的目标。

是时候

是时候，又来更新了。夜渐深，对着电子书，打打敲敲着那平面板，科技就如此发达，平面板渐变普通，替代了凸出的键板。戴上耳机，听着那喜爱的歌曲，如此的享受。发现自己的华语退步了很多，拼音很多都拼错了。想当年，我的华语还不赖，可是要保持住那水平啊。坐着，玩游戏，发呆，游戏输了。游戏输了，没关系，从新开始，人生可不能。人们常说，戏如人生，人生如戏，我可大大的不赞同。人生不是戏。每个人生是自己写照的，主角只有一个，就是自己。而我们看的戏里，主角通常不止一个。我的人生，其他人不过是配角，有些甚至是过客。想想，不对。最近跟了李嘉诚的面子书，他说的话对觉得很有道理。其中一句，我还记住，也是我今日的座右铭，时时警惕自己。＂成功其实并不难，只有两步，第一步是开始，第二步是坚持。＂对啊，其实并不难，但世界上，有几个人有如此的意志力？那些成功的，家喻户晓的人物，一出生就成功的吗？他们背后的辛酸，谁知道？只有自己知道。我，就是爱读激励人心的话，却不懂的行动。接下来的，就是比尔盖茨，还有那。。。忘了叫什么名，是股票王，身价与身家都赢比尔盖茨。他们的兴趣大大不同，两家在行领域更扯不上关系，更不用说有同样的话题，但他们却能谈得没完没了。他们的成功语录：＂focus＂。那股票王，除了会投资，什么都不会了。他们会成功，因为他们专注。我想，我是时候放下那些没必要的兴趣，专注在我最在行的领域了吧。至少，我以后有一份专业的职业。20岁了，该定性了。我想暂时不要打工了。我想要读书。别想太多，是课外读物。我想充实自己，我知道的东西太少了。常常觉得，我就像个空壳，什么都不会。其实我买了很多书刊还没读，是时候读了。我觉得，充实自己最重要，为自己做好准备。也是时候，该想想下一步棋该怎么走了。真的要继续科学吗？真的要转设计吗？都有风险。就让我重拾和充实后再做决定吧。
还有，不久前，在面子书读到了一句：单身久了，不懂得如何爱别人。大概就这样的意思吧。我习惯了单身，习惯了没有约束的生活，自由自在。谢谢你的关心，但我不习惯，我觉得压力，感觉被扣着，失去自由。我不想事事报告，我不习惯，不喜欢。对不起，辜负了你的好意。我希望我们还是朋友。还有，对不起我对你的冷漠，我不懂如何回复你，也不想回复，对不起。记得我问过你，你有读完我的部落格吗？如果你有读完，我是想告诉你，其实是我的问题。你很好，真的。但我不想我的问题给你带来长期的伤害。你明白我的意思吧？除了对不起，我不懂还能说些什么。还是对不起。。。

放空

我的脑袋一片空白，做math paper2的练习，一题都不会。我很无助。今天的考卷，说难不难，但我不会做。可不可以不要出这种不难不易的题目，把我吊在半空中，我很辛苦。我不能说我会做，也不能说不会做，就不能了然地说会或不会。我的心真的痛，很痛。考试考到心碎，又辛酸。想哭，但又哭不出。我告诉自己不可以哭。哭了又能怎样？哭了就能拿A喔？看着考卷，我真的很无助。最后两张，我还撑得下吗？我很后悔，不做第六题，那一题我会，我很后悔没有看matrix，我以为我会了。分数白白不见。38%肯定没了，扣掉那些做错的，50%有吗？我要的东西得不到了。没希望了。。。。。。。

我的A没了。。。

折磨

别小看考试，它把我折磨得彻彻底底。一觉醒来，看看镜子里头的，不是人，是僵尸。无需化妆品，天然无加工。深深的黑圆圈，苍白的嘴唇，无血色的脸。。。那一天不睡觉，到今天还是很累。终于考完bio和chem。无需多说，A是不可能了，只盼望bio能pass，chem能B。刚刚考bio paper 1，考之前突然想哭。考的时候一把火，想把考卷烧掉。我想我疯了。我很怕，明天考数学考到哭，毕竟我最把握的一科。我要数学拿A。我现在要休息一下，等下继续练习好了，我的脑太多东西的，头开始疼了。