3

The most importance things almost done. Payment? Paid. Rooms? Rented. So what else? Just, nothing more to say, I used to be, and get used with it. Is that I am too sensitive? You never get what I say, and you never understand. Fine then. =( Somehow I felt not right after all. I take it like seriously. The words you said, making me feels like I am stupid, definitely stupid. Indeed I am, more than that, I am an idiot. Fine fine fine. I knew I'm useless. Just, stop making and saying things that will make me feel I am stupid. I just hope I am not as useless as a dump. T^T

2

刚刚收到 E-mail,我报名的科系得到了。今天工作的很累，把小孩抱上抱下，手臂还真的要断了。当然也有不开心的时候，工作被骂是无法避免的，所以只要我做好本分就好了。工作得累的时候，检查了e-mail, 依然发现，终于有所恢复了。说好七天，我还没收到，脾气又来了。第七天，立刻e-mail给他们。终于有了结果，开心了一阵子。回家，再仔细的查，哦，得给学费了，3175，我还没付果这么贵的学费，心，又沉重了一下。对不起，我真的不想去聚会，说没钱，也只不过是个借口。如果想吃，还会付不起吗？嗨。是开心吗？还是伤心？又开始矛盾。说到梦想，也不做梦了。错，不该说不做，而是想做也不敢做。想了又怎样？会实现吗？所谓江山易改，本性难移。做梦也许是我的本性。每当开始做梦，就得压抑，不让自己胡思乱想。就算做了，就告诉自己，不会实现的。心已没感觉，那团火，没了。

1

Used to spend time to think what is my title, instead I'll make it easy, number it. =)

Well, it's the beginning of April, and yea, I got my salary, and I spent it. What I've bought? Ipad 2 cover, a Microsoft blur track mouse, 2 8GB Kingston pen drives, Herbaline moisturizer and toner. The moisturizer is for my grandma, Ipad 2 cover and a pen drive are my brother. And yet, all these things cost me 300 bucks. And yes, I spent it all, again at the beginning of April. No more extra expenses. Good. Yesterday went for facial treatment, and my face look terribly ugly, what to do??? Cry out loud! T^T

Well, another 58 days to go, and I'll be leaving here. Going to another brand new place, and live there with friends, or room mates? No idea. I am sad, not because I am leaving here, but I'm leaving here for my damn results. I leave here with failures, but I swear, I gotta bring my glory back. I will put my armors on and stay strong. But sincerely, I'll decide again after I've done my foundation, I had no idea what I am going for. When I recalled, my mom told her friends that my cousin is brilliant, he manage to earn and study at the same time, besides that he is excellent in both of that, career and study. Seeing that he is going to England to take his degree, that was my biggest dream. I've learnt a lesson, don't dream high. See? What I have? He earned, he travel, I earn, I feed myself, he got high payment, I save money and work like a bull. Can't admit that, he is brilliant, that is the reason he always get compliments from my parents. I don't allow myself to dream anymore. No travel, no overseas study, no big houses, no car and no job, just clean up your mind and go get your degree! After all, I still wish I could go overseas. STOP DREAMING AND WAKE UP! This world is not amazing as you thought! It is all about MONEY! Be realistic man..... Well, I try to give myself a better life, and i start to smile, then laugh out of my head, ignore those stupid feelings okay??? Friends meant nothing actually, friends are everywhere. Sometimes they knock you down, sometimes they bring you up. So what's wrong with that? I fell, and I got to stand up, they will not help you. Fine. Wake up and get up. It's time for new challenge, prove that you can make it. Prove to everyone, and the world is yours. I wish I could vanish in a moment so no one can see me or find me, when they knew, I'll be in somewhere else. 

*This content of mono log. Complicated. =(